Toyota Land Cruiser is bulletproof and has a ‘multi-terrain’ system including a ‘sand mode’ — and it’s the perfect post-apocalyptic car

THE year is 2050 and civilisation has been vapourised in a nuclear holocaust.

It was probably sparked by Donald Trump tweeting something a bit mean about Vladimir Putin’s latest topless calendar poses.

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Survivors roam the Earth looking for others to pillage and plunder.

Sound like the scenario found in the Mad Max films? That’s what I was going for, I’m a fan.

But there’s one thing those movies got wrong.

In Mad Max, the warlords cobble together outlandish cars and motorbikes from scavenged scrap metal.

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No. When the world collapses there will be one car you can buy today which will still be going strong — the Toyota Land Cruiser.

If I was one of those oddballs who prepare for the end of the world, this is the car I would buy now.

It’s bulletproof — hard as titanium nails forged in the fires of Mount Doom, tougher than a cockroach that does karate.

In Africa, South America, the Middle East and rural Australia Land Cruisers are more common than local wildlife which can kill you. It’s the choice of governments, close protection companies, charities — anyone who needs something they can rely on to get them to the a**e end of nowhere without breaking down and being left vulnerable to bandits in blistering heat.

In existence for more than 60 years, the latest Land Cruiser is even more battle-ready thanks a 2018 update.

A “multi-terrain” system allows you to slip from rock mode — which reduces the amount of slip tolerated by the control unit to a minimum — to mud mode, where slip is needed to create groove and ruts which give traction.

There’s also a sand mode, for the the next time you end up bogged down in rolling dunes on the way to Tesco. A locking centre differential is now standard, as is “crawl mode” for foot-free slow driving and hill descent mode.

It goes without saying the Land Cruiser has low-ratio gearing as standard. This is the sort of car which justifies most of its price tag (Toyota’s most expensive ever motor) with the engineering you can’t see, but it’s been tweaked and fettled elsewhere too, to give it a fighting chance against show ponies made by the likes of Audi and JLR.

The interior has been given a general tidy up. The layout is more ergonomic and buttons less confusingly scattered, while the ­colour screen has been made bigger, housing the rear view camera — crucial on this hulking beast.

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And you can now use your finger to drag across the screen, like a smartphone, thanks to Toyota’s Touch 2 media system.

The Land Cruiser comes with five or seven seats, which themselves can be customised to taste.
For example, in the back, the central seat can be stowed to free up elbow room for passengers.
When it comes to the exterior, the Land Cruiser isn’t winning any beauty pageants, but it does possess a certain rugged charm.

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A brutal-looking front grille sucks in air for an intercooler the size of one of Sir Chris Hoy’s legs, with a long bonnet housing a ­comfortably capable 2.8 litre diesel engine, the only one available in the UK.

The Land Cruiser doesn’t sell especially well here — we’re far from its target market — but by having it on the roster Toyota makes itself more or less the only manufacturer which can sell you a supermini, to sports car, to electric saloon, to family SUV to Land Cruiser — and everything in between.

And if the red buttons are ever pressed, I know what I want ­waiting in my garage.

The Cross Country, which also has an off-road driving mode, can only be optioned with the 190bhp D4 diesel engine, which will ­apparently return a healthy 55.4 miles to the gallon.
It also packs 400Nm of torque – so expect to see one at a caravan park near you soon.

This winter, be suitable at-tyred

It's here – the time of year when the roads become sludgy, slippery and generally more dangerous.
For some reason we don’t take it seriously enough in this country.

Motorists in Sweden, Norway and even Germany are forced by law to fit winter tyres when the nights start drawing in.

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In the UK there’s no such law, which is a bit baffling. We get snow. We get ice. We get more than our fair share of rain – and don’t forget the Beast From The East caused untold mayhem earlier this year.

So, winter-ready tyres make basic common sense. But the thing is we’re instinctively lazy. I’ve been guilty of it – take the car into somewhere for some new boots, choose the most affordable option, drive off and don’t worry about it until the next MoT. But these days there’s such a thing as an all-weather tyre – one which is fine in summer but also geared up for the less grippy months.

It’s Tyre Safety Awareness Month, so I accepted an invite from Bridgestone – the world’s biggest tyre manufacturer – to try out its first all-season touring tyre, the A005.

Joining me on the wet-weather handling circuit at Donington Park, Leics, was a Bridgestone spokesman, Olympic gold medallist diver Chris Mears.

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The reason why Bridgestone has a diver – and not a DRIVER – as its spokesman will become clear when you head to the website to watch the video of how we got on.

On the A005 tyres, the Toyota CH-R we were driving felt like an entirely different car. On the tight handling sections, turning in on sopping wet Tarmac felt like it was in the dry, while cones were flying everywhere on the rival tyres.

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But most impressive was the stopping test.

Anchoring up at 50mph, on the A005s the stopping distance was brought down dramatically, which in the real world could be the difference between missing or hitting a kid who runs into the road.

It’s genuinely made me change the way I will buy tyres in the future.

Do yourself, and those you love, a favour – get winter-ready tyres.

Head to machibet.online/motors to watch the video.

Reader's car of the week

It was a sad day when VW announced it was ceasing production of the classic Beetle, so it’s good to see this one still going strong.

The shot was sent in by David Harnett, from Burbage, Leics.

David says: “This is my 1966, 1300 Beetle. This car has lots of history, including the original engine.
“My toddlers Daisy and Ollie love a drive in it. The picture was taken at Hinckley Leicestershire classic car day.

“I’ve owned it for 12 years and use it as often as possible.”

To see your pride and joy here send me a picture and brief description to [email protected].

1200 is a Triumph

Triumph's unveiling this week of the new Bonneville Scrambler 1200 was quite the star-studded affair – but the bike itself was the undoubted centre of attention.

Tom Hardy, Carl Froch, the little one from The Grand Tour, plus a host of sporting personalities turned out at the ExCel Centre, where the new model took a turn in a race of nations on an indoor MX track.

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The new Scrambler was well up for it. With bags of power and torque, mated to suspension and brakes ready for everything from gentle commutes to the toughest “off” sections this side of the Dakar Rally, it made light work of the man-made racetrack.

The retro styling will appeal to those who want to stand out from the crowd.

But the next-level technology and hardware is what really separates this bike from the competition.

The huge TFT screen lets you see which of the riding modes you have selected. It also integrates with GoPro cameras (a first on any bike) and is capable of turn-by-turn navigation if you have the free-to-use app Triumph has developed. Cornering ABS and traction control will keep you safe, wherever you choose to ride.

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We will be on the press launch and will bring you a detailed review once we have ridden it. But for now, we are confident this bike has raised the bar for scramblers.